You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
