thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
