He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
