You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
