playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
