If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
