I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
