He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
