apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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