Plan B is the new Plan A
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
