yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
