I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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