Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
