so explain again why im purple
no
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
