i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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