i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
