Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
