can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
