hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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