so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
