im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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