maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
