I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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