There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize