This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
