is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
