I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
