I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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