God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
