I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
