Dual....:-)
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
