I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
