You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
