The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
