Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
