theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize