We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
