who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
