I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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