Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
