At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
