I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
