i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
