4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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