He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
