make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
