this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
