So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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