We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
