he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
