I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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