ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
