you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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