At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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