What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
