I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
