How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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