my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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