Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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