Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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