what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
