I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
