After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
