It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
too bad you live with your parents still
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
