Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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