lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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