there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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