Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
