Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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