those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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