We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
two words: eviction party
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
