some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
