becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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