I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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